Letters from Heather McCarthy

1st Anniversary - September 2010

Dear friends and family,

 It’s an eerie feeling as our first year without Billy comes to a close. It is pretty easy to remember what every minute of these days last year was like for us.  Yet, the rest of the year is a complete blur.  Since 2007 our daily goal has been to simply survive the day.  Last fall our hearts and lives were shattered and the pieces were blown in all directions.  With the incredible kindness, love and support of all of you we are still standing today (sometimes stronger than others), ready to start reassembling the pieces.  Although the one year anniversary marks a milestone in the passage of time, we are wise enough to know that our grieving will be with us our life times. We have experienced all the calendar firsts but are well aware that in the life of our children there are countless more firsts ahead of us. In truth, the celebrated days of the year are hard but the every day minute-to-minute ordinary living without him is the hardest.

The minute Billy was diagnosed with his brain tumor our lives changed in such a drastic way.  We made the decision to be appreciative for each day we were granted together, no matter if that meant we were able to enjoy a day with our children or if it meant we were living in fear of an MRI result.  Each morning Billy would wake up with his million-dollar smile and I would sigh in relief that it was even, indicating he didn’t have a brain bleed during the night. After that first sleepy moment we would try to lead as normal of a life as we could that day. At the end of the day we would thank God for it and ask for another one before we fell asleep at night.  Holding the person you share your entire life with as he takes his last breath changes you in so many profound ways. I thank you for your compassion and patience and help as I continue to try to figure out who I am and how to parent our children without my better half.

Billy always said that in the course of our life times we would never be able to repay the world for the kindness and generosity that has come our way.  I can honestly say there aren’t words that can come close to expressing the gratitude I have for the small and large gestures that have gotten us through the last 12 months. Right now I have the same feeling you get when you are driving somewhere and suddenly you are there without much recollection on how you got there. I do know that it is with the help of our friends and family that we are here.  I don’t have any idea what these next 12 months will look like; we are still taking it one day at a time.  But, it’s nice to know that we are not standing here alone.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

 Love,

Heather

2nd Anniversary - September 2011

Dear friends and family,

It is a very surreal time of year here on Adella Ave.  With September upon us we are filled with the normal hope and anticipation that comes with the start of a new school year. At the same time we can’t help reflecting on how the events of these same days two years ago shattered us. There are obviously the private moments we shared with Billy that both break and sooth our hearts. On a larger scale it is all of you who continue to rally tirelessly around us that have gotten us through the two years since his passing, just as you did for the two years during his fight. 

This year Liam began middle school, Tommy entered 4^th grade and Caitlyn has finally made it to Horace Mann as a kindergartener. While we certainly miss Billy every day and his absence is punctuated many times throughout the year, his essence is very present in our home.  Liam is a smaller version of everything Billy, from his personality to the way he skates.  Tommy exudes Billy’s love for life with his compassion and sense of humor.  And Cailtyn, the newest Jr. Eagle hockey player in the McCarthy family, seems to have inherited his competitive nature and determination (some might say stubbornness). It doesn’t take much time with the kids to see that the time Billy put into them continues to pay us back in spades. Although it could be argued that I’m a bit biased, I’m pretty sure Billy would be proud of each of them.

As we mark the two year anniversary (hard to type that) I hope you realize how each and every one of you has impacted our journey that started four years ago.  I know Billy took great comfort in and was quite humbled by the outpouring of love and support that Team McCarthy gave so selflessly.  Today, I thank you for all you did for Billy and our family during his life and for keeping your promise to him to love and support us as we move forward.

Love,

Heather, Liam, Tommy and Caitlyn